My Little Red Book

I cannot, unfortunately, supply a long list of sayings to go into a little red book as Mao did. Even if I could, it would be unlikely that I could convince 1.3 billion Chinese people to carry it around with them as they do Mao's. Okay, so in that respect Mao has me beat. I can, however, provide a short list of odd facts about China, ranging from the strange foods I have eaten to some helpful tips should you ever decide to visit Jiamusi.

Ni Ming Bai Le Ma?
Do you understand? The following is a list of some of the most difficult people in Jiamusi to understand.

People from other Provinces
People from other provinces can be very difficult to understand. They may speak the same dialect, Mandarin, but they speak it considerably differently. Imagine a six year old from Alabama trying to understand a fifty seven year old Englishman with a thick cockney accent.

Other Host Fathers-
I have no idea why. For some reason, none of the exchange students can understand another exchange student’s Host Father. Part of it must be caused by the different words we are taught by our host families; for instance one host family might say “The weather’s wonderful, isn’t it?”, while another may say “Nice weather we’re having, wouldn’t you agree?”. Oddly enough, however, we can understand each other’s host mothers. Go figure.

Those Who Have Over-Indulged in Drink-
This one is fairly obvious. It can be tough in the US as well. But quickly spoken Chinese words with slurred tones, phrases from other dialects and a lack of good judgment make it all the more difficult.

Taxi Drivers-
Taxi drivers are as close to another language as you get. I’ve gotten into a taxi many times and heard something along the lines of “Nie hu nie yo chuo zu nay” (instead of “Ni hao, ni yao qu zai nar”), or “Nuh shu gong qu la gao” instead of “Ni shi na guo de”.

People Trying to Speak English
By far the most difficult. A kid in school can speak fairly passable English, but if an adult ever tries to speak, it’s a complete disaster. I am obviously referring to the majority of Jiamusi, not the whole of China nor the entire city of Jiamusi. I pride myself on being patient when someone tries; I do my best to listen and to understand. But even I am frequently perplexed at the random and incoherent noises that Chinese adults often make when they try. However, I have to give them credit for trying!

Hao Chi Ma?
I’m frequently asked about the food in China. I’ve come up with a list of a few foods I’ve eaten since I’ve arrived, that may not be the most appealing to westerners.

Dog Meat
Many people have a problem with eating dog. I have to say, I felt a hint of remorse the first time I tried it. It is more common in Korean cuisine, which includes multiple dog dishes, but in China there is only really one main dish (at least in Jiamusi). It is meat from the dog’s leg, boiled and then cooled down, typically eaten as an appetizer. It is served with a number of sauces. It’s actually pretty good!

Stinky Tofu
The absolute worst thing I’ve had in China. I had it at, what many call, the best Shanghainese restaurant in Shanghai, so I know that it wasn’t a lack of quality. The word “stinky” precedes the word “tofu” for a reason. Whenever I discuss this “delicacy” I refer to a story my uncle told me about one of my father’s first trips to Taiwan. They were out at dinner, and my uncle noticed my father seemed both perplexed and disgusted. My father asked him if somebody at the next table had accidentally gone to the bathroom. After my uncle finished laughing, he told my father that someone two tables down had ordered the stinky tofu. Two tables down! And I tasted it! It was better than it smelled, but not much…

Fish Eye
This is the classic delicacy that my father used to scare me with. He would tell me that in Taiwan, the guest of honor was given the eye of the fish. When I was offered one in Shanghai, I remembered one of the key rules in Chinese cuisine- forget about which part of which animal it is- just remember it’s all about the taste, all about the taste, all about the taste. It was actually fantastic. Be careful to spit out the tiny bone, though!

Intestines
What kind of intestines? All kinds! Intestines are fairly popular in China. I’ve had them in both Jiamusi and Shanghai, served in different ways. Once again, one of the keys to eating in China is not to think about the what, but the how, as in how good it tastes.

Cow Eyes
And you thought fish eye was weird. Ha! This is a Jiamusi classic. I was at a restaurant with my host family one night, and we were served a plate of about 40 little, flat, round circles piled on top of each other with onions and a sauce. I commenced eating, and really enjoyed the taste. Having no idea what it might be, I asked my host brother, who responded “Nu Rou De Yan Jing” (Beef eyes). I laughed, and asked, “Nu Rou De Yan Jing Shi Shenme?” (What are beef eyes?- I had thought that it might be a nickname for something else). He said in an almost frustrated way “Nu Rou, Ta De Yan Jing” (Beef, their eyes) while pointing at his eye. I was shocked, and blurted out “Bu Shi, bu ke neng! Zhen Da!?” (No, impossible! Really?). I realized he was telling the truth, and got back to eating. They were already in my system, what more harm could they do?
Ru Guo Ni Lai Jiamusi, Ni Hai Shi…

Here are my tips should you decide to visit Jiamusi Some day…

Bargain
Bargaining is key in Jiamusi. In most of China, bargaining is expected, particularly at street vendors. Many Chinese people have become expert bargainers, and find it commonplace in everyday life. The numbers on the items are nothing but starting prices from which to work down. Additionally, as a “Wai Guo Ren”, or foreigner, you are for more likely to get ripped off. Rich westerners don’t need the money anyway, do they? Taxi drivers will also rip you off. Pretty much anybody will. The German exchange student went out to buy a leather bag early in to the stay, and the man asked for 800 RMB (about 115 dollars or so). Ready to bargain, he asked for 200. The man said "done" and gave it to him. Bad mistake- it was probably worth 50!

Find a Gym, Quick!
I lost about 20 pounds in my first two months here. I may not be the most athletic person, but not lifting weights for two months still had a huge effect on me. I would suggest finding a gym ASAP. This is not an easy feat in many parts of China, particularly in Jiamusi. Chinese people just don’t work out as much. You’ll find your kung fu guy, who’s well built, or occasionally a runner or lifter, but other than that, all you’ll find are some elderly Chinese people with unbelievable flexibility.

Mark Bathrooms
I’m not talking about graffiti. It is important in Jiamusi to find nice bathrooms (possibly even western ones!) throughout the city, and to remember where they are. Your typical Chinese bathroom consists of a dreadfully repugnant and malodorous squat toilet with a sink that spumes out nothing but brown water. Yes- it’s that bad. However, the KFC, for instance, has a nice clean squat toilet. Another restaurant, (that pretends to be Western, but only has Chinese food and Western Liquor), has a western toilet (probably to aid in the façade). If you play your cards right and “mark bathrooms” you can avoid squat toilets all together - I haven’t had to squat yet…

Either Learn How to Say You’re Not Russian, or Get Used to People Thinking Otherwise

Absolutely everybody will think you are a Russian. Everybody. It can get annoying. They also will assume that you do not speak Chinese. I would definitely memorize the words “Wo bu shi il eu si ren”. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve been thrown insults assuming that I am Russian and cannot understand them. I must say, I enjoy proving them wrong!

Do Not Plan on Staying Too Long!
Don’t get me wrong. Jiamusi is a great place to learn Chinese, and my host family is great. However, if you’re not here to study Chinese, I would make your trip short. The lack of things to do has resulted in the delays between my last entry and this one, and for that I am very sorry. I spend most of my days now going to school, reading, then working out, then returning home and reading and thinking about what I can write a blog about. Occasionally I’ll go out and have some fun, but that is not usually an option here. The city closes down at about 6 o’clock. At least my Chinese is coming along nicely!